Mary Harrison (known to her Congo brethren as "Mama Harri") was the wife of Jack Harrison, successor to C. T. Studd on the mission field in what was then known as the Belgian Congo. In her autobiography, Mama Harri--and No Nonsense, she tells how she came into the experience of Christ as her life:
"For more than a year after the funeral [C. T. Studd's funeral] my husband never seemed to be long at home . . . Previously all mission, government and Congolese affairs . . . were in the hands of Mr. Studd, and we had been free from all decisions. But when everyone and everything came our way, then it was I was revealed to myself, and saw just what kind of a Christian I was; I had good doses of the plague of my own heart.
"Outwardly I was very interested in school, meetings, and usual station work, and loved visiting the village churches. I liked nothing better than to sit with the people round their evening fires and was keenly interested in my husband's 'lengthening of the cords', which meant his being away many times, although I hated being alone.
"Inwardly I was fighting a losing battle. Interruptions made me irritable at having my day's programme upset, untimely visits from the Congolese, usually about some petty affair, annoyed me. It was irksome being awakened very late at night, when my husband told me to get to prayer, as the caller might be some soul in need. While I was earnestly praying for this soul's salvation, my husband was listening to the man's question, as to why his wife received only one pail of palm nuts when another woman had two pailfulls! I was resentful, critical, jealous, when in the company of better-educated missionaries, and had a foolish dread of being left alone at night, no doubt being induced because of an ugly experience in a village during my first year in Congo. All this, with a very introspective nature, almost drove me to despair.
"I was very much convicted when reading the scriptures, especially those parts insisting on love such as 1 John 4 [sic]: for I knew I was lacking there, although sometimes I thought this was due to my Scottish nature! I well remember the time when I pondered over Galatians 5:6 'For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth anything, nor uncircumcision, but faith which worketh by love'. I kept reminding myself, even saying aloud, that all my activities and interests in the work availed me nothing, when that 'faith which worked by love' was lacking. I considered my works were but wood, hay and stubble, and asked the Lord to give me a bonfire on earth, and not in heaven.
"I began to question if I had really been born again when I had publicly accepted Christ as my Saviour. I began to question the time when I stood up at Keswick when, as a mission candidate, I desired to be filled with God's Spirit. I thoroughly believed that sanctification meant a thoroughly changed life, and that never again would I be upset about anything; never feel resentful, or critical, but would be holy in thought, word, deed, motive and attitude. I would not accept anyone's testimony that did not measure up to this. The least sign of temper or undue irritation in anyone who claimed to be wholly sanctified put me right off. I now know that this was an extreme attitude, but I am also glad that the aim was high!
"All this time I was eagerly reading books, some of which I purchased from home. These I read with a burdened, yet seeking, heart. Marshall's book The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification; William Law's A Serious Call to a Devout Life, The Spirit of Love and Life of Madame Guyon increased my misery, yet increased my thirst. Other books came my way, such as: The Life of St. Theresa, The Practice of the Presence of God and The Centrality of the Cross. These sent me to my knees in confession, claiming forgiveness; a strengthening came with the feeling I had now got 'through' to some 'blessing'. But in a few days all evaporated and once again I was on my pilgrimage.
"Reading Romans, especially chapters 6-8, I reckoned my 'old man' was dead, and that I had 'newness of life' and rejoiced and thanked God, but somehow these feelings never lasted. I made up my mind that I was like this because I did not pray enough, so whenever I awoke at 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. I got up for prayer. If anyone had asked me what I was seeking, I would have replied that I was seeking a life well-pleasing to God in every way. I knew that something was missing and thought somehow that God would improve me.
"I was still in soul trouble, and at last said to my husband that he helped other missionaries, but he never helped me. Oh, how gently, yet firmly, he dealt with me, pointing out that I was expecting to see a good and nice Mama Harri, a changed person, but the answer to all my searchings and questionings was to believe that 'Christ liveth in me and really recognise Him'. I cannot write all he quoted from the Scriptures, but as he held my hand and spoke, I could see it all. Even so, some time after, in a moment of irritation and annoyance, I concluded that this life of victory was not for me.
"One day, reading Colossians: 3 [sic], I pondered much on verses 3 and 4, 'For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our Life. . .'. I read, re-read, thought on the present tense, especially on the words 'Christ who is our life'. That was the beginning of a new attitude of faith, although I had not yet made these wonderful words and facts mine. Later on, while studying Romans to instruct others, I was gripped by verse 10 in chapter 5 'For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by His Life'. Here, for me at least, was a much more gospel. And what my husband had previously said, dawned on me as new truth, I was saved by Christ living in me. Praise His Holy Name.
"Soon I was led to see from John's Gospel 1:4 'In Him was life and the life was the light of men', as more and more light shone from the Scriptures. I thrilled to know that I had Him within me who alone could say 'I always do those things that are pleasing to the Father'. I had been seeking something, and all the time the answer was Someone within me. I saw that Eternal Life is Christ Himself; Someone who distinctly said to me 'That He wanted to live His own Life in me in His own way.' Again let me say: How I praised His Holy Name.
"Far be it from me to give the impression that I jumped up to the heavenlies, and had no more dealing on the earthly plane. There was an inward release and relaxation, but there were lapses, when I acted from myself and hindered Him acting. There was immediate confession and cleansing. God said that He would supply all my need. I need patience, Christ is my supply. I need love, Christ is my supply, when I let Him, yes, when I let Him. Some time after this when I needed guidance, in a gentle whisper He said to me 'Why do you not make use of me?' I am not irreverent in saying that I believe He speaks to me in a tone and in words that I can understand. I could give many examples of what a delight it is for me 'to make use of Him' and this on every level of life without distinction.
"At one time I was visiting an outstation to give some help while a lady missionary was ill. After the evening meal we were reading from the Scriptures, followed by discussion and prayers. As I rose from the table my right foot slipped on the earth floor and I said the house lad must have dropped a banana skin. I put my hand lantern near the floor and a snake was scuttling away.
"At the moment I did not give this another thought, but later I saw a lesson in this for me. What I had called a banana skin was really a snake but this was only revealed by the light of the lantern. In telling this incident to others I might always have said I slipped on a banana skin had the light not revealed otherwise. From this I saw that the light calls things by their proper names. That the Word is a lamp unto my feet, and the entrance of Thy Word giveth light, for God is light and Jesus said He was the light of the World. While my feet stood in the dark I called the thing I slipped on a banana skin, but the light showed that it was a snake, and which was I to believe? Persist in calling it a banana skin when the light said it was a snake? How foolish!
"When God, by His Spirit or through His Book calls a thing sin, shall I call it a human frailty, a weakness, or that I was just made like that?
"Some time later I read these words: 'In all God's dealings with us, He works by getting us out of the way, and substituting Christ in our place--a substitute on the Cross who secures our forgiveness, and a substitute within who secures our victory. God will answer all our questions in His Son' [The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee]. That was a help to me having 'a substitute within'. Slowly but surely I began to see that my human nature was to be brought under the control and discipline of the Spirit.
"I still press on in faith knowing that in me, apart from Jesus, there dwells no good thing. Quite frequently, after the liberation in the spirit, while in praise and prayer on my knees, words would come into my heart which formed themselves into choruses or hymns. The first complete hymn that sprang up from the inner well of full salvation was:
There is a God for me to know
There is a Christ for me to Love
There is a Heaven here below
Completed fully in heaven above.
As Lamb of God the Christ was slain
His Blood a full atonement made
It cleanses me from every stain
My debt of sin was fully paid.
As King of Love He comes to reign
Within the Kingdom of my heart
To have Him thus is all my gain
And from all else I gladly part.
Oh! full salvation Christ is Lord
For spirit, soul and body, too
Past, present, future assured
The Lamb as King makes all things new.
"Other hymns in Swahili and Bangala followed."
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